VanillaBlushed | 2005

Saturday, February 11, 2006 Y

To protect all innocents, names will not be revealed.

Reading his's latest post, Poor Effort. Less than 1/5 of the tin filled!, made me reflected (again) about Community Involvement Project (CIP).

My guess, it's only a guess and MINE, is that schools volunteer their students to help charities raise funds.

Yesterday, early in the morning, our form teacher had strolled into the class with a smile. Five minutes later, her face had darkened significantly and she looked pretty tensed. Feeling uneasy, I kept quiet immediately and observed her.

She started mentioning about how we had clearly not put in an effort to raise fund for a particular charity. In her hand, she clenched a list of names. Besides the column of names, were appuarently how much of the tin we had filled. For most of us, it seemed that we had done little, we hadn't even tried.

She started mentioning names of who that had not put in an effort. Feeling confident that my name would not be mentioned, as I remember that my tin was 1/4 to 1/3 filled, my mouth just dropped open when she called it out.

Shock gave way to feeling pissed when she stated that we had to write a 400 word reflection about how we had fared.

On a Saturday, when we could have been resting and just doing our homework, most of us went down to do our CIP. Granted that, probably 75% did not had any intention to really persuade the members of the public to donate generous. At least, we had bothered to head down.

I personally had no idea which charity that was, who will benefit from the donations. All I knew was that I would be going down and I would try my best to do at least a bit.

I bet this comes across as us, being spoiled brats who knows nothing of others' sufferings. That is not true.

We had been forced to do CIP, which in this time 'round, was to help charities. I have always felt that you need to feel strongly and passionately about something to do it well. Likewise, to help raise funds for charities, you need to be a willing volunteer. In my opinion, getting students to help is not the best way.

The NKF saga was still fresh on Singaporeans' minds. Expecting a full tin, is unbelievably weird. People are now even more cautious of which charitable organisation they are donating to. Some have even lost all confidence in such charity. A member of the public had remarked to my friend, ''Aiya, xiao meimei bu yao pian ren lar. Gei ni liang mao lar." The translation would be "Aiya, little girl, don't bluff people lar. Give you 20cents lar." See what I mean? It's horrendous.

If they wanted a full tin, the least they could do was to make a mention of it. I had believed that doing our best, putting in effort was enough.

With so many R&R (Please do not enter the MRT, shopping malls, blahblahs), where are we going to find some many donors? People do not hang out on the streets, I'm sure you're aware of it.

A man, busking illegally outside a shopping mall, reprimanded me for stealing his livelihood by asking for donations nearby. Even when I moved further away, he warned me to stop collecting donations so nearby.

I had approached three policemen. One of them apologise about how he did not had cash with him. The other two, just walked on and were sort of smirking to themselves. I felt like an absolute idiot.

I have never felt good while doing flagdays. People are just too cautious of us. They stared. They pointed. They snapped at us. They gave us expressionless looks. But, they never offered any donations. Perhaps, we need to do stunts.

On my 400 word reflection, I wrote the truth. About how people shy theirselves away from us. About how the outcome would be the same if I had to do it all over again. It's heartfelt, and I meant it.

What's the point in the end? They are unsatisfied with our efforts. We are unhappy because they made some much demands. They want full tins, they want results. We are unable to do so, hence we are asked to reflect - through a 400 word essay, no less.

Do they think that is a problem with our moral values? That we do not care about the unfortunate and needy?

There are so many that needs help. There only only so many of us. What can we do if members of the public do not donate?

Sometimes, I really feel that schools and teachers are doing this to gain a better reputation for the school. To gain attention. To gain publicity.

Another friend of mine commented that our form teacher scolded us because we had embarrassed her. We made her angry, we made her lose her pride. Most likely, a teacher had approached her and asked her why did the class do so badly being the best class in the the cohort. She had probably lost her cool and gave the class a piece of her mind. He had noticed that when she was scolding us, she had mentioned ''lost her face'' in her sentence [ i had noticed it too]. He felt that it was meaningless, pointless.

Another friend proved the meaningless of flagday by mentioning that even someone who had not been punished, whom did not need to write a reflection was also pissed.

Another friend said that they laughed with their teacher and told their teacher to feedback ''check for notes''. Apparently, according to the teacher, the tins were weighed.

You know what? I have never felt good while doing CIP before. After I handed in the tin though, I always feel a sense of achievement, encouragement to do better the next time and satisfaction, knowing that whatever amount there is in the tin would go towards the needy and help them. I have tried my best. I have put in effort. And now, I do not feel good after doing CIP.

I feel forced.
I feel like an idiot (being told to do our best, which in the end, is not good enough for them).

An idiot.

{/7:08 PM}

Signed by Yours Truly.